This letter from PNC is everything wrong with banks and business

I received a letter today in the mail that perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with PNC, with banks, with business and corporations in general. It’s such a perfect embodiment I have to retype it for you:

Dear Customer,

Thank you for banking at PNC. We appreciate your business and want to provide you the best possible customer service.

Organizations like yours often have a number of different accounts for different purposes. Each account may have different authorized signers, and you may have designated individuals who have access these accounts through online or telephone-based banking channels. While PNC maintains the total picture of your account relationships, it is very important that you understand how your accounts are inter-linked and your role in determining the kinds of information to which people within your organization have access.

While we believe that we have given you all the information and tools necessary for you to designate the level of access and authority others within your organization may have for these and any other accounts, we recognize that this can sometimes be a challenge and would like to speak with you about your account access designations.

A complete listing of your accounts is attached.

We want to make it as easy as possible for you to manage, control and protected your overall account relationship. If you would like to discuss your account relationships and confirm the type of authority and access that exists for each account, please contact your PNC Bank representative or call us at 1-877-BUS-BNKG (1-877-287-2654). Again, thank you for banking with us.

Sincerely,
John B. Rees
Vice President

Let me point out, too, that every sentence was ended with two spaces. And they don’t use the Oxford comma. Attached was a page that listed all 1 of my account with the name “SUPERPIXEL LLC” written across the top. Turns out, we have a debit card. Thanks, PNC!

I guess this would make sense for large organizations. But my problem here is the whole letter. It’s like they couldn’t justify a stamp without a bunch of words to send along with it. Why not just this:

Hello Mr. Harter,

Below is a complete listing of your accounts. This letter was mailed to your address for your account’s security.

If you have any questions, visit a PNC Bank branch or call us at 1-877-BUS-BNKG. Thank you for banking with PNC.

Sincerely,
John B. Rees
Vice President

Also, if you already know my name and my company’s name, you can say “Dear Justin” or “Hello Justin”, not “Dear Customer”. I’m not a North Korean dictator. Just a suggestion.

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Justin Harter

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