Stop fetishizing millennials. We do not want to be “engaged”.

Example 345,237,190 why fetishizing Millennials is dumb

I’ve been going down the rabbit hole of corporate learning management systems, customer management systems, and other impossibly bad software.

While searching around I run across some really bad blogs, including this one titled “Membership Growth – Appealing to Generation X & Millennials”. It has the token photo of a black dude in bright pants near a city. He has a mohawk, he’s black, and wearing a suit jacket. Edgy!

The article is supposedly about how to make young people love you. It is the peak of millennial fetish worship.

Some key parts about how to grow your association:

“Younger people tend to love social media and the communication style and interaction that comes with it. To attract millennials to your association you’ll have to speak their language, and that involves using the tools they use to communicate. Is your association active on social media?”

…as opposed to smoke signals and calling everyone on the planet, I guess. It goes on to suggest using LinkedIn. Because, again, fun!

“Speaking from experience, I can say that millennials tend to have shorter than average attention spans. This can be a good thing if you’re trying to re-brand your organization as being appealing to millennials – they’ll likely forget how boring you used to be fairly quickly.”

…stupid millennials. They remember nothing! Treat them like the stupid, insolent, mayflies that they are you’ll find success from them where’ve you go. Everyone loves to be disrespected into loving you!

“Generation X and Millennials hate things that are difficult to use.”

…unlike older generations, which love struggling with cumbersome, difficult, problems all day long.

“Another defining feature of the new kids on the block is their desire to give back. Millennials care about making a difference in the world.”

…yeah, kids today, pfft. Back in my day we used to punch polar bears in the face just for fun.

“Millennials aren’t just coming your way – they’re already here. Make sure you’re speaking to them now.”

…like your inlaws or flu season, they’re here! Better bring out your company’s best hostage negotiator to handle them.

Here’s a thought: how about you just talk to everyone like people? People who prefer things that are easy, intuitive, useful, and moderately interesting.

About the author

Justin Harter

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